You Use What!
by MallowSaurus
Summary: Sesshomaru gives Kagome some, rather interesting advice on the battle field…Warning: The following writing may cause you to piss yourself due to extreme hilarity. Viewer discretion is advised…Read it, it's funny.


You Use WHAT?

Rating: T

Pairing: Sessh/Kag

Sum: Sesshomaru and Kagome exchange some rather interesting advice on the battle field…Warning: The following writing may cause you to piss yourself due to extreme hilarity. Viewer discretion is advised…Read it, it's funny.

Disclaimer: No, I do not own Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, PopTarts, or anything else epic. I only own my kitty Nori-san…

Chpt. 1: You Use WHAT?

Sitting down with a bowl of piping ramen in her small hands, Kagome began to slurp up the noodles when Inuyasha suddenly leapt from the ground, his nose twitching in disgust.

"That bastard!" Came his guttural growl. Instantly, the group was on their feet and poised for battle, seconds before a familiar, angelic form landed in the middle of their campsite, his cohorts trailing behind him. Inuyasha clenched Testuaiga with calloused palms. "Oi! Whaddya want, you pansy-ass?"

Sesshomaru huffed in distaste, flipping a lock of silver hair over his shoulder. "That is none of your concern, halfbreed." He scrutinized the campsite as if searching for something. Kagome took this opportune moment to inch towards her bow and quiver of arrows that she had neglected to grab.

Just a lil'….closer….almost…there….

Condescending gold eyes snapped onto her sneaking form.

Crap.

His towering form strode towards her, a shadow of…curiosity?…in his eyes. She stepped back hesitantly. Just as she was about to shoot purifying energy from her palms, a deep timbre distracted her.

"Miko…"

She gulped. "Yes?"

"What shampoo are you currently using for your hair?"

…Whuuuuuttt?

Kagome stared at him blankly. "Uhh…Pantene?"

"You use WHAT?" he shrieked, making all the surrounding youkai wince "Do you know how much damage that crap causes?"

Kagome's shoulders slumped. "It was the cheapest shampoo I found."

"Let me see your hair."

Sheepishly, she presented him a handful of her onyx hair. Running a hand through the fine strands, he gasped. "So many split ends…You poor child…" he wrapped his muscular arms around her, enveloping her in a hug while the rest of the gang looked on slack jawed. Suddenly Kagome pulled him away from her, holding him at arms length.

"How come your hair is so tangle free and light?"

"It's the way I wash it."

Curiosity sparkled in her cerulean orbs "How do you do that?"

Sesshomaru held one finger up. "One: Never use conditioner for fine hair! Judging by your hair, it appears that you have been using some form of really thick conditioner. Never, EVER do that! It will weigh it down!" Holding up another finger, he continued, "And two: Always, ALWAYS comb your hair after bathing!"

"Should I comb it like this?" She grabbed a chunk of her hair and yanked her nails through it, resulting in a rats nest.

"NOO! Like this!"

Meanwhile, Jaken turned to Rin, a hesitant, fearful expression on his ugly mug. "Did you perhaps," he stammered, "slip crack in Sesshomaru-sama's afternoon tea?"

"Kukukukuku…"

The conversation (if it could even be called that) was interrupted by Kagome's innocent question. "What concealer are you using, Sesshomaru?"

"Covergirl~!"

Inuyasha covered his mouth, muffling his guffaws.

"Really?"

Sesshomaru nodded his head in confirmation.

"Do you use a brush? I have tons of brushes but-"

"YOU HAVE BRUSHES?" Sesshomaru gushed, "I must see this!" Encircling his arms round Kagome, he stalked towards his brother, a smirk on his face, "Sorry, but I'm stealing Kagome from you!" He smiled down at Kagome, "She's going to be my personal pet! Better than those damn Barbie doll heads…"

"WHAAAATTT?"

...

FIN

...

Inky's Lil' Corner: Yeahhhh…MadameInky + Coffee + Computer = Random Shitt~...

...That's right...there's a lil' blue button there...It's calling your name, whispering "Click me! I'll lurve you foreva!"...That's right, almost...there...Cliccckkkkk eeeeetttt...


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